Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Its now... 2009!!!
Template lama mau ku ganti.. saking hancurnya setelah blog ini beberapa tahun tidak bernyawa .... Ya doakan deh biar bisa mulai lagi....
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
Dimanakah kau ada
terkurung sunyi dalam lirih suara angin
sekilas terbayang wajah rupawan di ujung sana
teringat akan, cinta yang pernah kau beri, namun lalu,
kita berpisah direngkuh oleh jarak.
hatiku tak berdaya, oleh apa yang terjadi
sanggupkah aku bertahan disini
semenjak itu, tak pernah kau beri kabar
tak pula kau beri aku sesuatu kepastian
Dimanakah kau ada. Rinduku takkan pernah sirna
kekasih ingatkah ku disini
tertusuk oleh perih, mencari, tak pernah kudapat
namun ku selalu merindu...
letih tertambat, menggeliat diresahku.
hadirmu bagaikan sebuah keajaiban
yang tak mungkin...
....................... ^_^ -.....................................
sekilas terbayang wajah rupawan di ujung sana
teringat akan, cinta yang pernah kau beri, namun lalu,
kita berpisah direngkuh oleh jarak.
hatiku tak berdaya, oleh apa yang terjadi
sanggupkah aku bertahan disini
semenjak itu, tak pernah kau beri kabar
tak pula kau beri aku sesuatu kepastian
Dimanakah kau ada. Rinduku takkan pernah sirna
kekasih ingatkah ku disini
tertusuk oleh perih, mencari, tak pernah kudapat
namun ku selalu merindu...
letih tertambat, menggeliat diresahku.
hadirmu bagaikan sebuah keajaiban
yang tak mungkin...
....................... ^_^ -.....................................
Monday, August 25, 2003
''Suntinglah Aku dengan Hatimu, Febby''
''Suntinglah Aku dengan Hatimu, Febby''
Ngomong-ngomong soal BOM MARRIoTT, ternyata membuahkan kisah Romantis dan mengharukan. Dia adalah Febby Firmansyah. Pegawai marketing yang kala itu sedang menjamu tamunya di hotel itu ikut menjadi salah satu korban ledakan bom. Sang teroris mungkin tak tahu, Febby berencana ingin mengakhiri masa lajangnya, persis 16 Agustus lalu, dan sang permaisurinya adalah Delirathnasari. Tetapi, bom bicara lain. Tepatnya Di ICU Luka Bakar RS Pusat Pertamina, tempatnya dirawat, ada cerita seru. Sepotong puisi ikrar kesetiaan cinta pun tercipta....
''Febbyku sayang,
Aku mau hari ini menjadi hari di mana aku berikrar setia padamu
Biarkan aku bersumpah...
Meski dengan dini
Izinkan hatiku dan hatimu menjadi saksi
Dan penghulu dari ikrarku
Ketabahan, kekuatan hati dan senyummu
Yang pantang menyerah,
Menguatkan semangatku siang-malam
Calon suamiku tercinta,
Tataplah aku,
Beri aku anggukanmu
Biar aku tau
Kau telah menyunting aku dengan hatimu
Jakarta, RSPP, ICU Luka Bakar,
Kamar 288, 16 Agustus 2003
Delirathnasari(AYI)
Ngomong-ngomong soal BOM MARRIoTT, ternyata membuahkan kisah Romantis dan mengharukan. Dia adalah Febby Firmansyah. Pegawai marketing yang kala itu sedang menjamu tamunya di hotel itu ikut menjadi salah satu korban ledakan bom. Sang teroris mungkin tak tahu, Febby berencana ingin mengakhiri masa lajangnya, persis 16 Agustus lalu, dan sang permaisurinya adalah Delirathnasari. Tetapi, bom bicara lain. Tepatnya Di ICU Luka Bakar RS Pusat Pertamina, tempatnya dirawat, ada cerita seru. Sepotong puisi ikrar kesetiaan cinta pun tercipta....
''Febbyku sayang,
Aku mau hari ini menjadi hari di mana aku berikrar setia padamu
Biarkan aku bersumpah...
Meski dengan dini
Izinkan hatiku dan hatimu menjadi saksi
Dan penghulu dari ikrarku
Ketabahan, kekuatan hati dan senyummu
Yang pantang menyerah,
Menguatkan semangatku siang-malam
Calon suamiku tercinta,
Tataplah aku,
Beri aku anggukanmu
Biar aku tau
Kau telah menyunting aku dengan hatimu
Jakarta, RSPP, ICU Luka Bakar,
Kamar 288, 16 Agustus 2003
Delirathnasari(AYI)
Saturday, August 23, 2003
The Serenity Prayer
personalized version for Ivan Parangan
God, give Ivan grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as Ivan would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If he surrenders to Your will,
So that Ivan may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
Valerie Domingo (1984-20**)
personalized version for Ivan Parangan
God, give Ivan grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as Ivan would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If he surrenders to Your will,
So that Ivan may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
Valerie Domingo (1984-20**)
Excerpts from the Review of Related Literature of my Thesis
Lung disease is the third leading cause of death among Canadians. In 2002, 17,400 Canadians will die from lung cancer, the number one leading cause of cancer death. About 5,900 of these deaths will occur in Ontario.
Cigarette smoking is the single most important cause of preventable illness and premature death in Canada. Reducing tobacco usage among youth is the best hope for long-term reduction in lung cancer.
One Canadian dies due to Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) every hour, that’s 24 people per day or one-third of those who die from lung disease in this country.
Between 80 and 90 percent of people who develop Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease do so because they have or do smoke. Giving up smoking, while difficult is the most effective first step to prevent the progression of COPD.
Lung Cancer trends follow those of smoking prevalence, with a lag of about 20 years.
Second-hand smoke is a major source of lung disease.
Despite these facts, we still witness health professionals [particularly professors] in the university smoking the stick.
heard from a non-smoking professor: If you stop smoking this day, your black sooted lungs may be pink again 20 years later, depending on the damage done. [there's hope!]
Cigarette smoking is the single most important cause of preventable illness and premature death in Canada. Reducing tobacco usage among youth is the best hope for long-term reduction in lung cancer.
One Canadian dies due to Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) every hour, that’s 24 people per day or one-third of those who die from lung disease in this country.
Between 80 and 90 percent of people who develop Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease do so because they have or do smoke. Giving up smoking, while difficult is the most effective first step to prevent the progression of COPD.
Lung Cancer trends follow those of smoking prevalence, with a lag of about 20 years.
Second-hand smoke is a major source of lung disease.
Despite these facts, we still witness health professionals [particularly professors] in the university smoking the stick.
heard from a non-smoking professor: If you stop smoking this day, your black sooted lungs may be pink again 20 years later, depending on the damage done. [there's hope!]
Friday, August 22, 2003
New TempLaTe (prolog)
Heheheh, inilah new template Lonely-man (thx for ur comment val). Warnanya memang sedikit bosenin, alias cuman pake 1 warna dasar aja. Warna ini, punya arti tersendiri buat saya. Emas.. Coklat tua... semua itu mewakili perasaan saya sendiri, tentang perjalan hidup saya hingga saat ini. Terutama soal Cinta, memang mulai terasa jenuh mencari, dan saat aku udah menemukan tetap saja masih tidak pas buat diriku. Entah apa yang kurang, sampai saat ini sudah banyak air mata yang tumpah karena ketidak-stabilan perasaanku. Bukan hanya dari meraka yang saja, juga dari diriku. Hampir semua yang indah mengenai cinta itu sudah aku rasakan, sudah sampai kusentuh dengan jiwaku. Dan jika begitu selalu timbul pertanyaan kenapa harus mendulang sakit dari cinta ?? saat inilah aku mulai merasakan kemegahan cinta. Tidak seperti omongan orang yang indah tentang cinta, tapi lebih karena pengalaman batin yang kuat. Karena pengalaman itulah, maka blog ini berwarna ke-emasan, coklat, yang melambangkan pengalaman batin ku hingga saat ini. Walaupun sampai saat ini aku belum menemukan orang yang tepat (setelah kepergian Miss Jepun) walau sudah sering mencoba dengan segenap hati, tapi aku yakin suatu saat aku pasti akan menemukannya. Wish me Luck :P~
Thursday, August 21, 2003
Congratulations Ivan! You did well on this renovation. It looks very interesting. But...I wonder why it seems that the one lonely is the woman (I like the falling tears...hehehe) and not the man with the guitar (Oh, he looks so happy!) Anyways, you have a pretty girl down below. Looks interesting too ;) Hope everybody else write something in here. Gong xi fa cai! [May you be prosperous!]
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
Im BACK !!
Hohoho lama ndak ngisi blogger, and my blogger still alive *thx to my vall*
Mungkin ndak lama lagi gua akan ganti template, berhubung sekarang ini sudah rada mendingan ngatur waktu, akhirnya gua kembali lagi ke cyber walau nga bisa sering² chatting. Buat yang udah setia nongkrongin tulisan gw, terima kasih dengan segenap hati.. salam buat kekasih kalian... dan terimalah kecupan manis ala BoTax yang selalu mendarat di jidat kalian yang udah pada jerawatan ahahhaha :D
Hohoho lama ndak ngisi blogger, and my blogger still alive *thx to my vall*
Mungkin ndak lama lagi gua akan ganti template, berhubung sekarang ini sudah rada mendingan ngatur waktu, akhirnya gua kembali lagi ke cyber walau nga bisa sering² chatting. Buat yang udah setia nongkrongin tulisan gw, terima kasih dengan segenap hati.. salam buat kekasih kalian... dan terimalah kecupan manis ala BoTax yang selalu mendarat di jidat kalian yang udah pada jerawatan ahahhaha :D
Monday, June 09, 2003
Sunday, May 04, 2003
Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they're
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten
apples that are on the ground, that aren't as good, but easy. So the
apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them,
when in reality, they are amazing. That is why we just
have to be a little patient and the right boy, the one who takes a
chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday...
----------------->is this statement valid?
tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they're
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten
apples that are on the ground, that aren't as good, but easy. So the
apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them,
when in reality, they are amazing. That is why we just
have to be a little patient and the right boy, the one who takes a
chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday...
----------------->is this statement valid?
Monday, March 17, 2003
Friday, March 14, 2003
What’s a Meantime Girl?
She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she
makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when
you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an
ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when
you need a date to your company’s Christmas party,
or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the
one you spend time with between girlfriends, before
you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep
around in the meantime.
She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you
don’t look at her as a "real" woman, either. She’s
not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to
be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too
easily amused by the same things your male buddies
are amused by. She’s too understanding, too
comfortable – she doesn’t make you feel nervous or
excited the way a "real" woman does. But she’s cool,
and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when
you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female
companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have
to wine and dine her because she knows the real you
already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up,
no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get
anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy,
but you know that she cares about you and is
attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the
intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to
explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be
able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the
beginning of a relationship or that there’s any
possibility that you have any real romantic feelings
for her. It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in
the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go
on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over
for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you.
She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to
call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just
so cool . . . why can’t all women be like that?!
But deep down, if you really think about it (which
you probably don’t because to you, the situation
between the two of you isn’t important enough to
merit any real thought), you know that it’s really
not fair. You know that although she would never say
it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good
points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think
she’s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure,
it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to
give in to your needs – she could play the
hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she
really wanted to. But you and she both know that she
probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too
short, or a little overweight, or has a big
birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell.
Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a
lot of really great qualities but has left out the
ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman.
So she remains forever the funny friend, the
steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on
searching for your goddess who will somehow be
everything you ever wanted in a woman.
You’ll joke to her that she should be the best man
at your wedding, and she’ll laugh and make a joke
about a smelly rental tux.
She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open
doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the
crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center
of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the
room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She
wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.
She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she
probably has a bigger and better heart than any
woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a
front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and
she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something
worthwhile and redeeming in you because although
you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to
still be around, she is.
Anyway, yeah. I’m a Meantime Girl. (the author of this article, not me)
Been one more times than I care to admit.
I don’t know the reason,really,
and at this point I don’t even care. I just
want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good
fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot
of fun, but we cry, too. A lot. And someday we won’t
be around.
She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she
makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when
you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an
ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when
you need a date to your company’s Christmas party,
or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the
one you spend time with between girlfriends, before
you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep
around in the meantime.
She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you
don’t look at her as a "real" woman, either. She’s
not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to
be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too
easily amused by the same things your male buddies
are amused by. She’s too understanding, too
comfortable – she doesn’t make you feel nervous or
excited the way a "real" woman does. But she’s cool,
and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when
you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female
companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have
to wine and dine her because she knows the real you
already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up,
no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get
anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy,
but you know that she cares about you and is
attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the
intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to
explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be
able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the
beginning of a relationship or that there’s any
possibility that you have any real romantic feelings
for her. It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in
the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go
on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over
for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you.
She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to
call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just
so cool . . . why can’t all women be like that?!
But deep down, if you really think about it (which
you probably don’t because to you, the situation
between the two of you isn’t important enough to
merit any real thought), you know that it’s really
not fair. You know that although she would never say
it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good
points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think
she’s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure,
it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to
give in to your needs – she could play the
hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she
really wanted to. But you and she both know that she
probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too
short, or a little overweight, or has a big
birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell.
Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a
lot of really great qualities but has left out the
ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman.
So she remains forever the funny friend, the
steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on
searching for your goddess who will somehow be
everything you ever wanted in a woman.
You’ll joke to her that she should be the best man
at your wedding, and she’ll laugh and make a joke
about a smelly rental tux.
She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open
doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the
crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center
of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the
room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She
wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.
She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she
probably has a bigger and better heart than any
woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a
front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and
she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something
worthwhile and redeeming in you because although
you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to
still be around, she is.
Anyway, yeah. I’m a Meantime Girl. (the author of this article, not me)
Been one more times than I care to admit.
I don’t know the reason,really,
and at this point I don’t even care. I just
want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good
fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot
of fun, but we cry, too. A lot. And someday we won’t
be around.
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
Hi folks...
Live my life??? Live my Life????? Well this is how i lived my life today...
First productive, or should i say destructive thing I did today was cut down trees....Oh yes....from my forest of a garden....The guava tree has pest aphids in it... Ya know, whitish stuff under. The papaya tree wasn't bearing good fruit, or even if it was, it became too tall that I am unable to reach it. Next was, hmm...i went to the doctor with my momma and my brother....to have a check-up to find out I have hormonal imbalance...Oh great! I was in the clinic for like 3 hours??? Took up some of my vacation day moments. I got home to and hit the bed, and well, to watch Shanghai Knights with my bro...(I really love Chinese stuff, especially the action movies) We had forgivably hilarious time...(I'm not much of a HollyWood fan though, I prefer traditional chinese movies like Crouching Tiger...) And at about 4:30 pm, I went to the dermatologist to have a very ouchy facial that made my sneeze and cry. Came back home at 7....run to the pharmacy to buy meds for my dear ol granma, and got dinner after half an hour...Finally, log in at Austnet to not find anyone that I know! Yey! So I checked mail, remember my invitation to this blog, tinker with the link, and voila!!!!! I get the hang of posting something in here.....Oh well, probably nobody here knows who I am, except my inviter. So....I am VAL. To ivan's gf: Hi honey, I am NOBODY. To everyone else: Hi! Sorry you have to bear with my post, but I just wanna let Ivan have some practice with his english. Btw, I'm from manila...iya jauh....aku senang belajar bhs indonesia juga ....Hope that doesn't sound pathetic! Cya around!!!!! Babay!!!!!
Live my life??? Live my Life????? Well this is how i lived my life today...
First productive, or should i say destructive thing I did today was cut down trees....Oh yes....from my forest of a garden....The guava tree has pest aphids in it... Ya know, whitish stuff under. The papaya tree wasn't bearing good fruit, or even if it was, it became too tall that I am unable to reach it. Next was, hmm...i went to the doctor with my momma and my brother....to have a check-up to find out I have hormonal imbalance...Oh great! I was in the clinic for like 3 hours??? Took up some of my vacation day moments. I got home to and hit the bed, and well, to watch Shanghai Knights with my bro...(I really love Chinese stuff, especially the action movies) We had forgivably hilarious time...(I'm not much of a HollyWood fan though, I prefer traditional chinese movies like Crouching Tiger...) And at about 4:30 pm, I went to the dermatologist to have a very ouchy facial that made my sneeze and cry. Came back home at 7....run to the pharmacy to buy meds for my dear ol granma, and got dinner after half an hour...Finally, log in at Austnet to not find anyone that I know! Yey! So I checked mail, remember my invitation to this blog, tinker with the link, and voila!!!!! I get the hang of posting something in here.....Oh well, probably nobody here knows who I am, except my inviter. So....I am VAL. To ivan's gf: Hi honey, I am NOBODY. To everyone else: Hi! Sorry you have to bear with my post, but I just wanna let Ivan have some practice with his english. Btw, I'm from manila...iya jauh....aku senang belajar bhs indonesia juga ....Hope that doesn't sound pathetic! Cya around!!!!! Babay!!!!!
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
Di batas ketakberdayaan...
Jakarta, 28 Januari 2003
Dear honey....
Seperti kemarin, malam ini pun aku masih berpikir tentang kita, kedekatan kita, kehangatan kita, kemanjaan kita,..... kita-kita.... Dan masih seperti kemarin, aku juga masih terus terpuruk di berbagai tanya, beragam keraguan, yang aku tidak tahu.... kapan semuanya akan selesai....
Tetapi, tidak seperti kemarin, malam ini tidak ada air yang mengalir dari mripatku... karena selama perjalanan kita, selama itu juga sisi hatiku berdebat.... mencoba menawarkan berbagai kemungkinan, sekaligus ketidakmampuan kita menempuh kemungkinan-kemungkinan tersebut.... Terlebih ketika kita tidak mampu menyatukan hari yang sudah kita rencanakan, kita menjadi tak berdaya.... kita - terlebih aku - menangis, kemudian tertawa, tertawa dalam sedih yang berkepanjangan....lalu menangis lagi.... tangis yang mencerminkan betapa tidak berdayanya kita... tidak berdayanya aku.... Dan suatu keputusan telah diambil, keputusan yang lebih didasari dengan kemarahan, keluar dari lubuk hati...
Honey,
ketika -dengan sombongnya- aku mulai meneguhkan diri untuk memenuhi janji-janjiku terhadap keputusan kita (rasanya "keputusanku" lebih tepat yah?? ), ketika kutahan sejuta cerita yang selalu bergerak mencari tempat berlabuhnya, ketika jari-jari tertahan di batas keinginan untuk menekan nomor yang telah teramat lekat di hati, ketika itu juga hatiku berkata "betapa sombongnya aku!!! " Iya, kesombongan yang tertutup dengan wajah kemandirian, wajah kemapanan, wajah ketidakperdulian pada berbagai rasa yang menggelegak mencari engkau....Kesombongan yang membuatku mendera nurani sendiri........Duh... betapa sakitnya.... tetapi itu lah aku, sosok rapuh yang mencoba menjadi kuat.....
Maka honey, jika esok pagi engkau baca tulisan ini, ini lah jawaban dari perjalanan panjang kita, jawaban atas kedekatan kita.... karena kita telah gagal .... karena kita ternyata tak mampu, - atau bahkan tak pernah mampu menyatukan semuanya..... Meski rasa yang kita miliki semakin kuat, meski janji kita selalu kita upayakan untuk terus ada dalam hati kita, meski rentangan jarak selalu kita usahakan agar tak bermakna.... meski...... berjuta meski telah kita lakukan, tapi ketakberdayaan ternyata lebih kuat mengukung kita, menghempaskan kita pada kenyataan yang menyesakkan.... jauh menembus batas usaha kita, batas kekuatan kita....
Tetapi honey, kita masih mampu 'kan menyatukan rasa ini pada bentuk lain ? Karena -bagaimanapun- di antara kita tetap ada benang merah yang manis.... yang tak akan pernah lekang.... sejauh apapun hitungan jarak di antara kita, kita tak akan berhenti melangkah, hanya karena asa biru muda itu tak lagi bermakna. Engkau, begitu juga aku, akan tetap setia menyusuri arah hidup kita, karena itu artinya kita berdua akan tetap hidup.... sehingga aku percaya.... bahwa kita adalah orang-orang dewasa... seperti ikrar kita dahului.....
dedicated to my honey.... mercy beaucoup....
Jakarta, 28 Januari 2003
Dear honey....
Seperti kemarin, malam ini pun aku masih berpikir tentang kita, kedekatan kita, kehangatan kita, kemanjaan kita,..... kita-kita.... Dan masih seperti kemarin, aku juga masih terus terpuruk di berbagai tanya, beragam keraguan, yang aku tidak tahu.... kapan semuanya akan selesai....
Tetapi, tidak seperti kemarin, malam ini tidak ada air yang mengalir dari mripatku... karena selama perjalanan kita, selama itu juga sisi hatiku berdebat.... mencoba menawarkan berbagai kemungkinan, sekaligus ketidakmampuan kita menempuh kemungkinan-kemungkinan tersebut.... Terlebih ketika kita tidak mampu menyatukan hari yang sudah kita rencanakan, kita menjadi tak berdaya.... kita - terlebih aku - menangis, kemudian tertawa, tertawa dalam sedih yang berkepanjangan....lalu menangis lagi.... tangis yang mencerminkan betapa tidak berdayanya kita... tidak berdayanya aku.... Dan suatu keputusan telah diambil, keputusan yang lebih didasari dengan kemarahan, keluar dari lubuk hati...
Honey,
ketika -dengan sombongnya- aku mulai meneguhkan diri untuk memenuhi janji-janjiku terhadap keputusan kita (rasanya "keputusanku" lebih tepat yah?? ), ketika kutahan sejuta cerita yang selalu bergerak mencari tempat berlabuhnya, ketika jari-jari tertahan di batas keinginan untuk menekan nomor yang telah teramat lekat di hati, ketika itu juga hatiku berkata "betapa sombongnya aku!!! " Iya, kesombongan yang tertutup dengan wajah kemandirian, wajah kemapanan, wajah ketidakperdulian pada berbagai rasa yang menggelegak mencari engkau....Kesombongan yang membuatku mendera nurani sendiri........Duh... betapa sakitnya.... tetapi itu lah aku, sosok rapuh yang mencoba menjadi kuat.....
Maka honey, jika esok pagi engkau baca tulisan ini, ini lah jawaban dari perjalanan panjang kita, jawaban atas kedekatan kita.... karena kita telah gagal .... karena kita ternyata tak mampu, - atau bahkan tak pernah mampu menyatukan semuanya..... Meski rasa yang kita miliki semakin kuat, meski janji kita selalu kita upayakan untuk terus ada dalam hati kita, meski rentangan jarak selalu kita usahakan agar tak bermakna.... meski...... berjuta meski telah kita lakukan, tapi ketakberdayaan ternyata lebih kuat mengukung kita, menghempaskan kita pada kenyataan yang menyesakkan.... jauh menembus batas usaha kita, batas kekuatan kita....
Tetapi honey, kita masih mampu 'kan menyatukan rasa ini pada bentuk lain ? Karena -bagaimanapun- di antara kita tetap ada benang merah yang manis.... yang tak akan pernah lekang.... sejauh apapun hitungan jarak di antara kita, kita tak akan berhenti melangkah, hanya karena asa biru muda itu tak lagi bermakna. Engkau, begitu juga aku, akan tetap setia menyusuri arah hidup kita, karena itu artinya kita berdua akan tetap hidup.... sehingga aku percaya.... bahwa kita adalah orang-orang dewasa... seperti ikrar kita dahului.....
dedicated to my honey.... mercy beaucoup....
Thursday, January 30, 2003
HAri yang Melelahkan..
Hari ini bener² deh, caapppppeeekk ! Yah, maklum aja, beberapa hari ini sibuk ngurusin keluarga (macam orang dah nikah aja huehuehue) trus ditambah lagi mesti selesein tugas. Dan sekarang aku rada kurus hohohoho. Berat ku turun 5 kg. Lumayan lah :).
Baru saja aku nganter adikku, pergi latihan Barongsai buat besok hari raya imlek. Dan setelah itu sambil nunggu dia pulang, kusempatkan diri singgah ke warnet. Ketemu Yayank ku hehhehe. Kemaren sempet berantem lagi. Tapi harus kuakui kesabarannya. Dia mencintaiku, dan semua sikapku berusaha untuk dia pahami. Maklum, aku toh berterus terang padanya tentang banyak hal, soal perasaanku, soal hati ini, dan dan dia tetep menyayangiku karena semua itu. Terimakasih ya yank, pada saat beginipun, aku mungkin tak sanggup expresikan lewat chat. tapi aku bener² kangen kamu. aku sayang kamu.
Ngomong² soal my hanny, hehhehe ya gitulah, hatinya sepanjang rambutnya (ini perivahasaku sendiri :P~)
Nah itulah yang aku salut pada dirinya, membuatku kagum, karena orangnya tegar dan tak pernah takut menghadapi tantangan hidup.
Eyy.. klo soal dia sih entar aja di omongin, aku lagi izin mau nulis blog nih heuheuuhe, dia lagi OL.
Dah yaaaaa
Hari ini bener² deh, caapppppeeekk ! Yah, maklum aja, beberapa hari ini sibuk ngurusin keluarga (macam orang dah nikah aja huehuehue) trus ditambah lagi mesti selesein tugas. Dan sekarang aku rada kurus hohohoho. Berat ku turun 5 kg. Lumayan lah :).
Baru saja aku nganter adikku, pergi latihan Barongsai buat besok hari raya imlek. Dan setelah itu sambil nunggu dia pulang, kusempatkan diri singgah ke warnet. Ketemu Yayank ku hehhehe. Kemaren sempet berantem lagi. Tapi harus kuakui kesabarannya. Dia mencintaiku, dan semua sikapku berusaha untuk dia pahami. Maklum, aku toh berterus terang padanya tentang banyak hal, soal perasaanku, soal hati ini, dan dan dia tetep menyayangiku karena semua itu. Terimakasih ya yank, pada saat beginipun, aku mungkin tak sanggup expresikan lewat chat. tapi aku bener² kangen kamu. aku sayang kamu.
Ngomong² soal my hanny, hehhehe ya gitulah, hatinya sepanjang rambutnya (ini perivahasaku sendiri :P~)
Nah itulah yang aku salut pada dirinya, membuatku kagum, karena orangnya tegar dan tak pernah takut menghadapi tantangan hidup.
Eyy.. klo soal dia sih entar aja di omongin, aku lagi izin mau nulis blog nih heuheuuhe, dia lagi OL.
Dah yaaaaa
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